When You Dance You Can Really Love

My manager sent me home early today. I asked if I could have a few hours at the end of my shift to go home and work some more on my paper. He sent me home 6 hours early. I might look a little frazzled. I truly thought it was due next week. So here I am writing this blog. And that's only because I cleaned the house yesterday. So AFTER I write the blog - no pichars.org, no random leg hair plucking, no unnecessary naps, nothing but literature review.

I was hungry while I was leaving work so I stopped by the BK. You might be thinking, "Dang, this girl really likes some BK." But you'd be wrong. I'm lazy. Everywhere else (besides Popeyes and I'm not paying $7 for three chicken strips) you have to actually get out of your car and walk into. So, yes, not only am I buying fast food because I'm too lazy to cook, but I'm going through a drive through because I'm too lazy to get out of my car.

When I came to that realization I was so embarrassed and swore that I would never tell anyone that. But then I laughed at myself and thought if you can't make fun of yourself with friends then what's the point of life. Laughing. And loving. But right now it's laughing.

Heart of the Sunrise

Alright... so it's day 1 of 26 that FNNR will not be accompanying me through life in Japan.

I think it's been fairly successful actually. I slept until 1000 (after going to bed at 1900 the night before). I woke up with a fat cat licking me on the nose. I took my synthroid, waited an antagonizing HOUR before I could eat something. Ate a poptart, met someone about buying my car, went back to bed in hopes to stop shivering, fell asleep, woke up to meet someone else about the car, went back to bed because... well, just because it's my day off. After Mizuno snuggled in under the blankets beside me and I was tired of reading I got up with the intention of cleaning the house and perhaps maybe think about editing my research design. I've done none of that. Well, I've thought about the paper and even moved my school bag into the same room I am. Progress!

For those interested (Jackie and Brenda) today I've eaten 2 brown sugar & cinnamon poptarts, a whopper jr (with cheese no pickles), small fries, and a small sweet tea, and most recently a bagel, and a handful of Nerds. I'm thinking I should probably star on some sort of healthy living network or something.

Oh, by the way... if ever you're feeling lazy and trying to recreate "cinnamon sugar" by first putting sugar and then sprinkling cinnamon on the object of desire. Don't. It just makes a giant, untasty mess.

So really, all in all, I think I'm doing good. No signs of depression here. :)

I DID file my taxes, ordered required V-day stuff, brush my teeth (no, I did not shower), and put my dirty clothes away. AND I reheated the coffee in the coffee pot from yesterday. That counts for forward progress, right? I think just changing out of my PJ's twice today counts for something.

And Jimbo, if I had sugar cookies you bet your cd collection I'd have eaten a few of those today.

Oh yeah, for those of you who I haven't told my deployment may be pushed back because I haven't been taking my thyroid pills. The doctor I scheduled my health examination with actually looked at my medical records and noticed I wasn't taking my synthroid. What military doctor actually looks at your records. That's what I want to know. So he ordered a panel and we'll check back in six weeks. Because I'm supposed to leave in 7 weeks this should be interesting. Mostly because I'm pay patient and I have to call everyday after 11 to see if there are any available appointments for that day. I've been taking my synthroid devotedly. So we'll see. If you want me to go, pray everything works out. If you don't want me to go pray my dosage is off. And then I'll find out who prayed that way and I'll slap your hands.


Other than my melodrama, I'm doing great. I'm happy, I'm healthy for the most part, I've got a great support system, and I'm loved. Who could ask for anything more (cue it, Andy!).

Oh and maybe to make you laugh, here are some things Miles says:

• King Boo from Mario: King Boob
• Star Wars: Star Whores
• Red Skull from Capt America: Red Skulk
• Darth Vader: Dark Vader (but who hasn't?)
• the Smurfs: the Smurps

Love you guys!

Leavin' Tennessee

Oh it's been a long time and oh so much has changed in ten days. Andy has moved on to his round the 'merica trip with lots of friends and family. Miles P. is with his mom. Ayano is officially off my radar screen. I'm deploying. FNNR is going to be leaving for a month back to the states. 

I'll spare the details of Andy leaving. Well, maybe not. His leaving wasn't anything remarkable; he flew out on an airplane like the rest of us. I think, though, he flew out of some smog cloud of doubt, hassle, worry, and uncertainty and he is flying into a brand new clean clear white future. Here's to Andy creating the future he wants~

FNNR is dealing with the possible oncoming death of a loved one. She's not the most responsible person in the world and it's becoming evident in creating of travel plans. I only mention that because it's taking a toll on me. I'll spare the details of that too. Sometimes being empathic is A*W*E*S*O*M*E!

Miles P. came by to see me today. He's healthy and doing good. What more could one Aunt B want? Oh yeah, to go see the Muppets with him this weekend! Yeah!! Whenever he comes to see me at work I usually drop down to one knee to be at his level so we can talk boy to aunt. Today  he drops down to one knee with me so we can have some serious talking over why the bouncy castle outside the BX costs money to get in and how he didn't save any of his Christmas money to get in. It was serious business. I'm smitten.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to Afghanistan leaving sometime in the middle to mid-March. The time is certain, but the final location is not. It's 98% sure. This is a voluntary choice of mine and I'm very excited to go. I will be working with an old boss of mine and am looking forward to that immensely. From what Ty was telling me when he was there the base is relatively safe and "modernized." I'll be the judge of that when I get there. The "trip" conveniently falls in between classes so I'm still on track with school.

Which is funny because I'm severely behind on where I should be with this paper. I should be well into designing a research design and have most of my research done. I have SOME research done but haven't really read it to know how useable it is to my thesis. I'm a good researcher (right Mom?) but I'm just not into it.

AND it's inventory time at the BX so guess what all my spare time has been devoted to? Does everything have tags? Is everything scanning? Don't move fixtures, don't have empty fixtures, don't put stuff there, keep that here... and then customers who are asking when we are going to have an additional clearance sale when the majority of my clothing is already marked down 75%... Seriously, how cheap can you be?

And let me just say this to those with children - if you're reading this then you're my friend and by that fact alone you wouldn't do this but pass it on - just because you can deal/tolerate/have gotten used to your child's fits/tantrums/crying/whining doesn't mean the rest of the public has. Nothing in the ladies department is more important than taking your child home for a nap or food. Shopping with an unruly child cannot be pleasant, so why make EVERYONE suffer? And don't let your kids play in the fixtures. It's dangerous, tags fall off clothes, and then the clothes fall to the ground. How many kids have picked up after themselves? None. And so help me if your kid is the one that said to me "We're not playing" after I told him and his friend to stop playing around after I caught them low-crawling and pretending to be army guys. I had to restrain myself from slapping this kid.

I'm going to bed. I have to be up early. Like 7 o'clock early. Gross.

I love you.

Heropyschodreamer

For those following the mini saga of my thumb drive that held everything I ever wrote for school and how it wouldn't read on any computer I tried it on:

Andy is my hero (again.)

He says he "just wiggled" it, but I think he has magic fingers or something because I wiggled it too. Oh did I wiggle it. You might have thought I was going to break it off in the computer. 

All of my papers, all my drafts/revisions, all my homework (I forgot I labeled Stats as "Sadistics" hehe), EVERYTHING. I had come to terms with never seeing that stuff again, but it is SOOOO amazingly awesome to have it back.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Alejandro. 

And I won't post it here since it's 20 pages long, but if you want to read my final paper on PAS (physician assisted suicide) that was a culmination of papers from my last two years of school let me know and I'll forward it on to you. It's kinda boring if you aren't interested in the subject. 

Andy, man... you're awesome.

Galaxia

So today instead of not feeling "ready" to tackle a Masters course I feel mixed. During my three hours of class time I felt out of place because I didn't know who these authors/topics/subjects that a lot of my classmates were throwing out. BUT I felt smarter because the questions they were asking were simplistic. I mean, we are essentially studying how to right a research paper. Nothing we are learning is difficult or beyond the grasp of an normal student. Seriously. What we are researching might be, but not the process.

I was almost in a nervous breakdown because everyone was discussing and coming up with plans for the comprehensive exam that you take after your 12 courses to prove you were actually paying attention in class. There is NO WAY in the world I'm ready to even come up with a PLAN to take the exam much less wonder how the exam is going to formatted or graded. So after I went to the bathroom and told myself I'm NOT in over my head I realized this:

1. This is my first class in this program. FIRST. Of course I don't know what every else knows.
2. If my classmates have gotten this far and are still asking wildly simple questions I think I'll be doing fine.
3. I think this may be a case of my classmates thinking everything has to be incredibly difficult because they are "Masters Students." Lighten up guys.

So I'm gonna stick with it and I'm gonna continue taking classes. I can only get smarter from here, right?

RIGHT?!

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

I almost backed out of going to class tonight. I begrudgingly got up from my nap and talked to FNNR for a little bit. In response to a request for motivation she says, "Go to school." No inflection, no intonation, no extra pep that would inspire confidence. My decision to actually go was the result of a few different reasons:

1. There has to be a more intelligent pool of people than whom I'm used to talking to at the BX. No offense to those who I work with; it's a side hazard of the retail sector. 
2. I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to spend over $1,000 "free" GI Bill money on. 
3. I just COULDN'T wait to be assigned an outrageously long paper to write. 
4. What else do I have going on? Fish Wrangler? The Sims? Throwing stuffed things around for my cats to chase?

So I went. And it was everything I anticipated. A small class (there are 9 of us - as of now), long reading assignments, a 15-20 page paper complete with 10 minute presentation... BUT there were some elements present that I actually missed from when I was in undergrad school. I completely forgot about pure love of learning. I love being in class and learning. I know, I'm a nerd, but it's true. The instructor was talking to us like we are, well, grad students instead of glorified high school students like in undergrad school. He used words like "holistically" and "empirical." This is probably racist in some way but it was pleasant to not have to speak slowly or figure out a simpler way to say something. There was no wait while something was translated or worse - translated and then further explained in Japanese. The professor was making intellectual jokes and I was getting them.  It was just nice to remember why I wanted to go for my Masters. 

Now... I'm nervous as hell about this paper. This class is, essentially, how to write a political science research paper. Ask a question, find qualitative/quantitative data, and draw a conclusion from it. I taught myself how to do that in my last class for my undergrad degree. I'm not nervous about my ability to do the work; I'm worried that I will procrastinate until the last minute and then turn in shoddy work. I think I have enough people on my case that that will be a minute problem, however. It's hard being loved like I am.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy getting my Masters. :) Ask me if that rings true when I'm in class 10 of 12...

Thanks for all the love you guys have thrown my way. You're awesome!

Still Crazy After All These Years

Today a co-worker asked me if I cut my face. I had no idea what he was talking about until I remembered my face looks like a pre-teen's future nightmare. Combined with the intense pain in between my shoulder blades I realized:

• FNNR left yesterday for a week leaving me to fend for myself and two cats all alone. She did leave me fully stocked with mac & chee, cereal, muffins, and milk. But the mac & chee pan is dirty in the sink, therefore no mac & chee.
• My brother's household goods get picked up on Friday and he'll be leaving - for good - shortly after that.
• My first master's class is tomorrow and I have no idea what time or where.
• My RMA application is due at the end of the month. I don't trust my manager to bring it to where it needs to be by the due date. He also has to write a recommendation letter. This is the guy who asks me to type his emails for him.
• Inventory at the store is coming up and I have no idea if I'm doing the right things to get ready for it. I also don't know if I'll be able to get the night off for my class. That's $975 gone if I'm not able to.
• I'm tired. I worked six days straight and most of those days were 10 or more hours.

It's funny, though, because I don't feel stressed. I mean, I feel like the calm before the storm. Maybe I'm stressed about the stress? What? 

Anyway... if you're sending them up, send some up for me.

Love you guys!