To Lay Me Down

Tonight is the night where you think about all the trials and tribulations of 2011 and how you rung in the new year last year. I've sat here for five minutes trying to remember how I brought in 2011 and I can't remember. That usually means there is a reason I don't want to remember.

So here's to bringing in 2012 sober, healthy, and ready to work tomorrow. Yahoo! I'm not making any resolutions this year; that way I won't feel bad when I don't reach them. I have a few goals I'd like to accomplish, though. I'd like to deploy through my job, I'd like to attend RMA (a mini college for the job), and I'd like to make it to Australia to run the once-in-a-lifetime Solar Eclipse marathon. This is challenging as if I do A then B + C become impossible. If I opt for B + C then A might have to come in 2013. But the world is going to end in a year anyway, right?

Oh yeah. Bringing in 2011 just returned to memory. The Fleet Foxes sing a song that mentions something along the lines of "what feels good last night might be seen in different eyes in the morning." We'll just leave it at that.

I would just like to say that I rounded out 2011 by doing something I truly thought I'd never be able to do. After 10 years of not being able to keep a monogamous relationship I've finally started to have hope in myself that maybe I can do it. Yes, you read that right. TEN years and I've not been monogamous in a single relationship within that time frame. I'm not proud of that and have been battling it for all ten of those years. I've been in a low-key, yet fulfilling, relationship since Mother's Day and it's been nice. It's funny what happens when you identify what things are keeping you back and then actually ACT on them. I've admitted, I've identified, now I'm starting to act. Maturity maybe? I don't know but reflect on the below into the new year. My mom has had it in the house for as long as I can remember and it hits home (hard sometimes). I love you guys!

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS Portia Nelson

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit My eyes are open; I know where I am; It is my fault. I get out immediately. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. I walk down another street. Okay, that's a melancholoy way to bring in the New Year. How about we end with this:

Feelin' Good Again

So I've sort of figured out why I've been dreading going to work lately. Ready for this? It's boring. No, seriously. Hanging clothes on hangers, sorting them by size, and putting them on racks is boring. I DO get a kick cleaning up after people in the dressing room. ... okay. I don't. It must be the children that run through the racks and rip the tags off the clothes. No! It's the parents that let their children do that. All wise cracks and jokes aside: my job in deathly boring. I'm not saying I do everything perfect and I have no room to improve, but I would love some guidance on how to get it that way.

One more tangent about children in shopping facilities. I am not a mommy. I do not have children, obviously. Therefore I do not have my own parenting skills to judge against others. HOWEVER, if telling your child (I counted this today. This is a true story.) 18 (yes.) times to stop touching something doesn't work I'm going to need some additional discipline. Time out. Leave the store. Something. Also, just because you can tolerate your child's high pitched and out of control tantrums doesn't mean the rest of us in the store can. Please take the child outside or somewhere else. We don't all have to be punished for your child's issues. PLEASE. Seeing other people's children is sealing the deal on me not wanting to have children. EVER. 

Then of course there is Miles P. He's a perfect angel. MY perfect angel. :)

Anyway, I didn't really mean to start today complaining about children. I meant to start with my encouraging Hall's cough drop from yesterday. Japanese people eat cough drops like candy. Seriously, they think cough drops are candy. *Think about that cough drop companies.* So a Japanese lady hands me one yesterday and I can't say no as I'm a sucker for grapefruit. Upon opening I notice words on encouragement written all over it. "You can do it." "Push on through." "Don't stop now." WHY in the world is that written on a cough drop? I do love the small touches on things. I like the extra effort that companies put in, but encouragement? On a cough drop? How about things like: "Rest," "Drink lots of water," "Take it Easy"? Encouragement on a cough drop is like giving a runner advice on completing the SAT. Unnecessary but nice in some way.

I think that's it for today. I'm really not as bitter as it sounds. Tired and a little cranky, but who doesn't get like that, right? RIGHT!?

Love you guys!

O'Reilly At The Bar

I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have.
Leonardo da Vinci

I read that quote somewhere a few weeks ago and it's stuck with me. So I thought I would share.

And if I ever tell you or anyone around you that I need to take my crazy pill PLEASE do not let me forget. Today was rough.

Tales Of Brave Ulysses

This blog posting is brought to you via a very special Christmas gift. 

I have been mildly stressing about actually taking my Master's classes. Dreading the paper writing, wondering if I'll find the books interesting, wondering if I'm even going to enjoy the classes... but all of those worries have been solved by a gift my FNNR bought me for Christmas:

Yes. That is a crystal covered zebra print keyboard and mouse. I am typing on a crystal covered zebra print keyboard. And it is wonderful. It matches my zebra print scentsy, my zebra print trash can, and my newly acquired zebra print blanket. My zebra print rug is on the way. I don't know why I have a particular affinity for the print of a zebra. I don't really care one way or another for the animal but I love the zebra print and how it has absolutely no place as decoration in a house; much less a keyboard and mouse. 

I laughed until I cried when I opened it. The mouse actually lights up in a nifty blue color under the rhinestones. It is perfectly horrific. (Side note to Jackie: it kinda makes me miss Doris - a lot.)

The cats are happy - even the I-Refuse-To-Be-Happy Goliath that waddles around the apartment. We gave them wet food and they opened their stockings. Mizuno actually broke into a run (well... fast walk) and played with a toy! For those in Japan if you felt a mild earthquake tonight, that's what it was.  

It will be early to bed for the 38th Chamber tonight. We have a 7 am appointment with a very excited six year old tomorrow to see Santa's deliveries. And while I have every intention of going to bed early FNNR is playing Skyrim and I don't see a near bedtime in our futures. 

Oh and while I have your captivated attention: I am now the proud adopted mommy of a seahorse! I need help thinking of a name. I don't know the sex, but it's a seahorse so who really cares? I was going to go with "Fred Snaggletooth" but FNNR veto'd it. Help!

Merry Christmas guys; I love you forever!

Morning Bell

What a terribly unproductive day. I'm not upset about that. 

I had my interview today. I literally shuddered at the thought was working at Foster again when I walked in the door so I didn't do my best during the interview. If I somehow manage to get offered the job I would decline. I had the creeps during the interview. True story. Let's all pull for Powerzone Karl - he needs full time. 

After that I yelled at my boss for a little bit who didn't quite understand what I was upset about and turned it back onto himself. Then I gave up and walked around the store with Alejandro for a bit. He needed help finding the Powerzone you see.

Wait, how flipping boring is this? Seriously. I apologize. 

Go here: That's way more exciting.

I love you.

Soul Suckers

I had a fairly frustrating day today. There's nothing like being continually undermined by your boss. Especially the day before you have an interview for a competing business. I'm just sayin'...

But instead of listening to Amos Lee and wallowing about in self-pity I'm going to listen to Amos Lee and think about what I'm thankful for. Being after Thanksgiving and almost Christmas it seems like a decent time.

• I HAVE a job when so many other more qualified others do not.
• I have autonomy on the job that others do not.
• I have a top of the line hand-made (with love!) computer that is so top of the line I don't even know how top of the line it is.
• I have internet access to tell you how awesome my top of the line computer is.
• I have a roommate that is paying my rent and allowing me to pay the bills and call it even.
• I have a fat, lazy cat who doesn't want anything to do with me and has switched allegiance to FNNR.
• I have a cute kitten roommate who follows me around and squeaks.
• I have a bed and a million comfortable blankets.
• I don't have food, but that's my own fault. I can't be bothered to go to the co-misary.
• I have a toaster oven that I can make muffins and biscuits in!!
• I have ice cube trays that flip out cute little wee ice cubes. 
• I am enrolled and have a way to pay for Masters classes - this is of dubious thankful nature.
• I have a dependable mode of transportation.
• I am living in a foreign country while most of my NC friends haven't left the state, or worse, county. 
• I am awesome at Scrabble and Words With Friends. Just sayin'...
• I have a few incredible friends that won't let me go no matter how distant or crazy to push away I am.
• At any given time of the day or night I can call those friends no matter what.
• I am intelligent.
• Both of my parents are still alive and love me to pieces.
• I have two step-parents and a set of step-grandparents who think of me no less than as their very own. I count myself blessed for that every single day. 
• I have crazy siblings. C R A Z Y.
• Miles P. The best gift anyone could have given me.
• And lastly, that I came home to an email from Andy with this in it:

How can you honestly not be thankful for that?

Merry December 21st gang. I love you (I'm just sayin')!

Alabama, Louisiana, or Maybe Tennesee

A long time ago Andy told me Jude the Obsure was one of the most depressing books he'd ever read. So when I found it for free at the library's paperback book exchange I was delighted. "Oh! I want to be depressed!!" I had NO idea what it was about but was braced for depressive impact. I read the forward which was actually a brief synopsis of the book and thought, "these characters are crazy and this book must be based in never-never land."

I continued reading anyway and found a really good book. It was depressing, yes, but good. Hardy made it very clear why the characters did what they did and created some real interesting characters. I have to say, though, Sue Bridehead has to be one of the MOST FRUSTRATING characters ever created. I wanted to reach through the pages and strangle her. I suggest reading it, but double up on your anti-depressants before you read the last third.

Another book I found during my trip was good enough to keep me up until 3 am the morning of Black Friday. If you really know me you know how much I love - nay ADORE - sleeping so that is saying something. It is called The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane. Essentially it's a story of a PhD candidate realizing that somewhere in her ancestry there really was a witch during the Salem Witch Trials. Not really something I thought I'd get into, but I knew NOTHING of the book going in.

And a book review was not why I started this blog today. I actually can't remember why I started. Glancing back at the current state of affairs of my house I think I can gather a clue, though.

Oh! I remember! I was requested to tell of Miles dressed as "hot chocolate." One night at work I was graced by a surprise visit from Miles P. and the MGs... well, really just Miles P. I think the MGs were at home or dead or something. Anyway, he informed me that he was going to be Hot Chocolate in the choir performance taking place the next day. I really wasn't sure what that entailed but now I especially wasn't going to miss the performance.

Fast forward to the next morning and here comes my favorite boy with a poster board rendition of a mug of hot chocolate tied over his shoulders. Complete with cotton ball marshmallows! He was SOOOO proud to be hot chocolate. A couple of songs required hand motions but he only did it with one hand because he wasn't going to drop his mug. Watching a six year old clap with one hand and count to ten while holding the mug with his chin is priceless. I'm sure Andy will forward me some pictures and video so I can post them (ahem...) but until then use your imagination! I'm in love!

Country Feedback

What spurred this blog entry.

I've been seeing on NPR the updates of the US leaving Iraq. Today I saw an article on the last troops leaving through the Kuwait border. I teared up. I didn't realize the full extent of how much my four months in Iraq affected me. I was only there four months because the AF had not entered the four-six month rotations. I stayed a few extra weeks to make it four months even. I was on one of the last three-month rotations actually. Not really essential to the story...

While I was deployed I had the "glamorous" job of watching TCNs (third country nationals) work. I was there to ensure no international security incidents happened. It was boring. It was unimaginably boring. You know the phrase "watching paint dry." No, I really did. I watched roads being repaved, port-a-potties cleaned (and later emptied. That still makes my stomach turn), flight line cracks being filled in, and scrap metal moved from one spot to another. While this doesn't seem as high  profile or important as the fighter pilots who make kills or the security forces personnel on the front line in my eyes it was every bit as important. We were the ones making personal contact with the locals EVERY DAY for hours at a time. They were not all Iraqi. They also were not all blue collar, uneducated people. A once high-profile chemist was mixing cement at one site. Several scientist and college professors were fixing the flight line. As a ignorant barely twenty something I didn't think much about it. "Yeah," I thought, "Sucks for them, but life isn't fair." That's a idiom from Mom. :) The older I'm getting and the more I'm reflecting (in hind-sight glasses) the more I'm realizing what kind of impact we truly had. 

For a few weeks during my Iraq TCN stint I was the personal escort for the head contractor for all the reconstruction happening on base. His English was great, he was Iraqi, he was polite, and a gentleman. He only had one American album because he knew the one Iraqi station was a little much for our unaccustomed ears. Every time I hear a song from Shakira's first album I think of this guy. He would request me personally to be his escort. One day he didn't show up. One day turned into a couple of weeks and he came back finally without an ear. I'll skip the details but it involved loyalty to a friend. He was essentially the same man when he came back but I think the war maybe hit right at home to him. He was disgusted with how his fellow nationals were treating each other. I caught him burning Saddam's face off a monetary unit one day while he was daydreaming about something. Several TCNs did that actually, in isolated incidents. Burn Saddam's face off, crumple the bill, and throw it to the wind with a disgusted snort.

Do I have some moral to wrap this up with? No. My writing isn't going to change the general public's view of the war in Iraq but I truly think we were there doing good. All of the horror stories that you saw in the news were infrequent. The good works that Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen were doing everyday weren't newsworthy I suppose. 

Violence and co-countryman killings happen all over the world. People do crazy thinks in the name of religion every day. STILL, I think us pulling out might be premature. One of my flaws is my inherent trust in those put into power above me. From my job at the Exchange to the Commander In Chief I trust that they know what they are doing and are doing the best they can with the information/skills they have. So I continue to trust.

The Parachute Ending

 A few things before I get ready for work today:

• Has anyone made Rice Krispy Treats with the frosted Rice Krispies? I'm looking to get a cavity in the fastest possible way. No seriously - has anyone tried it? Any good?

• I just ate three bowls of the above name cereal and never refilled my milk. Think about that. My bowl was huge enough to hold enough milk to go through three bowls of cereal. Also, I just ate a gross amount of cereal.

•  I got an interview for the soft lines supervisor at the Foster Exchange.

•  It is now December 16th and I've received ZERO Christmas cookies. None. Not even a crumb. You know those party platters of cookies you can get at your local grocery? I bought one of those for MYSELF to make up for the lack. Think about that next time you want to go out and exercise. 

•  I love you!

Remember what I said earlier about loving to put things off. Now is one of those time. :)

Forbidden Love

If You Don't Stop That

Hafiz

I used to live in
A cramped house with confusion
And pain.

But then I met the Friend
And started getting drunk
And singing all
Night.

Confusion and Pain
Started acting nasty,
Making threats,
With talk like this,

"If you don't stop 'that' -
All that fun -

We're Leaving."

P.S. Telling someone you have a mosquito bite when in all actuality you have a hickey doesn't really go over well.  

P.P.S The highlight of my day was twofold. Firstly being my boss asking my coworkers if I was at work today. AFTER giving me a hello hug and then unloading a pallet of merchandise with me. Secondly, I work with a great group of ladies. They all have their quirks but they *usually* make me laugh. Like the 60-something lady who pinches my butt everyday or the Phillipino lady who tells me how big my boobs are everyday. They make me smile. Thanks ladies.

The Gloaming

I initially wasn't going to post anything tonight until I stop to listen to what was coming out of my FNNR's laptop. She is watching fart videos on YouTube. Yes, you read correctly. She is finding live fart on television videos. It all started with the "First Family of Satanism" and now we are moving onto live farts. It would be pitiful if it weren't so funny to watch her laugh at it. It's like watching a five year old boy laugh at farts. She's crying. If this is going to be how it is while I'm trying to get through grad school I'm going to have to invest in some decent earplugs. 

On a side note there was a giant markdown at the store today. And by "giant" I mean 95% of our clothes are at least 25% off. It took about 25 of us ALL day to mark everything down. And everything still isn't marked down, but it's all in the general area of marked downedness. Yes, I just made that word up. And true to form every old lady trying to save a buck comes in right in the middle of our markdown and starts poking through everything while we are trying to get things organized. My favorite today, though, was when I was working on a rack of clothes that didn't have a price. My job was to find the price and make a new label. This lady comes up, grabs something off the rack, takes it to the remote scanner to see how much it is, then comes back to me complaining there's no price. Oh, really? No! I lied! I think my favorite was the lady who complained about the 25% off pants being on the 50% off rack but her not being able to get the extra 25% - she even threw in a manager's name; I think it was a scare tactic. Michael Kors drives people crazy. 

I'll close it out by showing you what brings a smile to my face everyday: 

I don't know why his kimono is different than the other boys except that the other kimonos might not be able to hold as much cuteness. Probably that's the reason. Oh hey - next time remind me to tell you about Miles P. being dressed up as "hot chocolate." 

Good night!

The Mourning, The Silver, The Bell

You know what I love? Putting stuff off. 

No seriously. 

Anytime anyone of you has received a long email from me just know that there was a house to clean, a paper to write, documents to be filed, laundry to do, bed to make, or myriad other things I should have been doing. Like right now. I can't find the printer underneath all the crap stacked on it. (Dad, the long time lover of "stacks," would have thrown it all away about 15 pieces of paper ago.) Instead of filing it I decide to start and post on a brand new blog. I don't see what the problem is really.

The best part about all of it is that I've been off for two days and my only goals have been to clean the house, do the dishes, and shave my legs. I did the dishes... just barely. I promised FNNR I would make tacos and that required a pan at the bottom of the stack. I think she requested the meal on purpose. As I've been working on the hair on my legs for a couple of weeks (don't judge. It's Christmas time and I work retail.) I'm hesitant to get rid of it. We've sort of formed a relationship. And the house? Well, Mizuno is camping out in his yet-to-be-put-away cat carrier and the other cat is running laps around the house only stopping long enough to jump and spew a triumphant meow on top of the carrier after each lap.

And since we are on the subject, I've been listening to a lot of Avett Brothers lately. I don't know why I do it to myself. I love them and I love their music but it almost always tends to put me into a reflective mood. I start thinking about love and it's aspects, about home (they are from North Carolina), and about being a good person. For whatever reason the Avett Brothers epitomize the "good guy from the south." I'm FROM the south and am not sure that that particular specimen really exists. But I always start to wonder if I love enough whenever I listen to the Avetts. Do you guys know I love you? Yeah, I'm a crappy correspondent. Sorry. But never ever wonder if I love you. I do. That's it forever. 

Life in Technicolor

So a lot of people want to keep up with my life more than the thrice monthly joke link I post on Facebook. I just don't see why that won't suffice. Additionally, I've been told my writing skills are, we'll say decent to keep my head from inflating. That leads us all here. 

Welcome. 

I'm against blogs for a few reasons. Mostly being, who really cares? I mean, really. It's a journal of self-absorption. Then there's the privacy concerns about who I can talk about, what is taboo, what if work starts reading it? I intend to leave this as a "family" blog. You know... since that who I am trying to keep up to date. Funny how that works out. I am working on getting over myself for the greater good of the people who care about me (Amber specifically).

In an effort to get us all up to date or on the same (web)page here is where I am in life right now. I am living in Okinawa, Japan with my for-now-nameless roommate (FNNR). I was living here with Andy since late 2009 but life changes have separated us. He'll be leaving for Mountain Home, Idaho in January leaving me stranded on this island. Okay, not stranded, but I'm not a fan of living here. Oh, why do I stay you ask? Because I love my ever-frustrating job. I love who I work for and I love retail. I work for the Airmen, Soldiers, Sailors, and Marines and their dependents. I actually take pride in that, but also get frustrated at "those customers." I'm sure you'll hear about them in future posts so I'll just leave that alone for now.

I recently got over my final two humps and landed myself in graduate school through Troy University. I always knew I'd end up in graduate school just not sure on the details. My first hump was my self-defeatist attitude. I really didn't think I could do it. One Facebook post later and that hump is conquered. The remaining hump was taking the Miller Analogy Test. Lots of fretting, nerves, and pep talks from my FNNR later I passed the MAT no problem and am, dare I say, looking forward to my first class? 

This is where I am at in my life. I'm 29, mommy to my cat Mizuno, aunt to the FNNR's cat, and lucky aunt of Miles P - my favorite man. Welcome to my corner of the world.